Gist_With_Chadele: ANGER

Anger is an emotion that everyone experiences every now and then. It is neither good or bad. It is what tells that a situation is upsetting. However, it can have a negative impact if handled wrongly. How one reacts when angry is what is most important as anger can impair one’s judgment. If I were to use myself as an example, I would say I handle anger passively; that is, I do not react when I am angry, I prefer to cool down before I talk about it and sometimes in the process of cooling down I forget what got me angry in the first place. Of course this does not happen in one day as it might take a couple of days but then I forget about it and not talk about it again which isn’t advisable.

So, while it’s perfectly normal to feel angry when you’ve been mistreated or wronged, anger becomes a problem when you express it in a way that harms yourself or others.You might think that venting your anger is healthy, that the people around you are too sensitive, that your anger is justified, or that you need to show your fury to get respect. But the truth is that anger is much more likely to have a negative impact on the way people see you, impair your judgment, and get in the way of success.

Sometimes unnecessary show of anger/aggression could be due to mental health issues caused by depression, stress or a trauma.
There are signs people with anger issues portray one of which is, they are highly opinionated and have difficulty accepting or understanding other people’s view. Use of words like “must”, autocratic nature, etc.
Physical signs include but are not limited to: fist clenching, fast breathing, pacing up and down the room (except the person is just thinking in which case you would know), trouble concentrating on anything else, etc.

Anger can affect you in ways you might not even fathom. It can affect your physical health, mental health, career, relationships, etc.If you have a hot temper, you may feel like it’s out of your hands and there’s little you can do to tame the beast. But you have more control over your anger than you think. How anger is handled would determine how far one will go in life, be it your relationship, place of work, business or family. Anger is what leads to domestic violence which we discussed last week.

Sometimes anger is used to mask the real issues, such as anxiety, embarrassment (common in men because of their ego), shame, insecurity, etc. An example is when you are having an argument with someone and you feel like you are winning and the other person suddenly flares up or storms out. Another example is a lady in a relationship who cannot bear to see her boyfriend talk to another lady, out of fear that he would cheat hence she gets angry over the slightest provocation. (I hope this example even makes sense)
In your place of work, it makes it harder for one’s colleagues to work and/or relate with the person. No employer wants an employee who cannot work well with others so except that person is “Sheldon’s level” genius, he/she will get fired eventually.

Many people think that anger management is about learning to suppress your anger, but never getting angry is not a healthy goal. Anger will come out regardless of how hard you try to tamp it down. The true goal of anger management isn’t to suppress feelings of anger, but rather to understand the message behind the emotion and express it in a healthy way without losing control. When you do, you’ll not only feel better, you’ll also be more likely to get your needs met, be better able to manage conflict in your life, and strengthen your relationships.
In order to manage your anger better, you have to;
* Identify the real source of your anger
* Be aware of your anger warning signs
* Identify what triggers your anger
* Learn ways to cool down quickly
* Find healthier ways to express your anger
* Stay calm by taking care of yourself
* Use humour to relieve tension
* Recognize if you need a professional help and don't be scared to seek help.

Remember, you can always channel that energy of anger into something more positively resourceful. Learn to control your anger today and till we meet again next week, I still remain Chadele. Ciao!!