Gist_with_Chadele : DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

Domestic violence is not physical violence alone. Domestic violence is any behavior the purpose of which is to gain power and control over a spouse, partner, girl/boyfriend or intimate family member. Abuse is a learned behavior; it is not caused by anger, mental problems, drugs or alcohol, or other common excuses.

Domestic violence can be described as an act of inflicting pain and agony on a minor (In the sense that the victim is powerless and incapable of reciprocating the same energy). The victim can also be older. Domestic violence in Nigeria is a problem as in many parts of Africa.

Domestic violence is an act of intimidation, physical, verbal or emotional abuse that has become an epidemic. It should be noted/acknowledged that Domestic Violence is no respecter for gender as anyone can be a victim.

When the general public thinks about domestic violence, they usually think in terms of physical assault that results in visible injuries to the victim. This is only one type of abuse. There are several categories of abusive behavior, each of which has its own devastating consequences. Some types of domestic violence include:
* Control
* Physical Abuse
* Sexual Abuse
* Emotional Abuse & Intimidation
* Isolation
* Verbal Abuse: Coercion, Threats, & Blame
* Using Male Privilege
* Economic Abuse

The most common form of domestic violence is the physical form and can be perpetrated by both male and female, young and old. Although the husband beating the wife is the most rampant for obvious reasons (physical strength). It is on rare occasions that you hear a man was beaten by this wife. Domestic Violence is commonly found in marital homes, where one of the spouse is being mishandled to a critical stage. Even kids, experience such violence from their parents/guardians.

Most times this occurs due to provocation, however self-control is what they lack. I do not excuse a man hitting a woman but we can both agree that some women can be very annoying.
Some of the reasons some men give for hitting their wives are ridiculous, e.g. food was not served early, or food was cold or she came back home late, etc. I usually attribute this trait in men to low self-esteem, feeling the need to show you are stronger or due to some deranged thought that it is done from a place of love. This can also be because of what the man learned as a child. The father used to beat his mother growing up. When a child sees his father hit his mother a number of times, this can have one or 2 of these effects; the first is the child would do same as an adult or the child would never hit a woman.


Another form of domestic violence is sexual abuse. This is when a man thinks it’s his right to have sex with the woman, since he is the husband and it is an obligation of the wife to satisfy his sexual needs. As much as sex is a part of marriage, it has to be consensual. Forcing yourself on a person even if the person were your wife/husband is rape. It does not matter how one tries to explain it. Sometimes even by limiting the resources the woman can access is a form of violence. Imagine a relationship where the husband believes that all monies made by the wife should be given to him or refuse her to work at all so he has total control of the resources in the home. When she feels she has done something bad or wrong, he would deprive her of what she would need as punishment.

In Nigeria, domestic violence doesn’t seem to be reducing despite all the exposure and civilization and this can be attributed to the fact that when a man marries his wife, it is assumed that he owns her and she has given up all rights to herself.

Common causes of domestic violence in Nigeria include: stress, loss of income, disparity in couple’s income, substance abuse, infertility, lower socioeconomic classes. It could even be a brain dysfunction (low self-esteem, poor impulse control), etc.

It may not always be obvious that you’re in an abusive relationship. It can be common for someone who is being abused to believe that it’s their own fault and that they somehow ‘deserve’ the abuse.

A relationship can be violent and abusive without physical violence. It can include emotional, sexual and physical abuse, and may involve control of your finances.
These are some signs to look for;
* Possessiveness
* Jealousy
* Put-downs
* Threats

It is very important to protect yourself from harm if you feel that you are being abused. You never have to do this alone. It’s really important that you
* Get support
* Go to a refuge
* Stay with family or a friend
* Talk to emergency services or the police
* Know your worth
* Read about your rights

Remember: You are never to blame for the way an abusive person treats you. Always try to speak out.